There is a surprisingly abundant collection of vids on YouTube showing cats using toilets instead of litter boxes. One even thought to use toilet paper, though didnt quite understand how. I don’t normally make a habit of watching any being relieve itself, so I wont link to the clips here (just search toilet and cat and you’ll find them easily enough.)

Here’s the thing that bothered me though. Yes, I see the convenience of training your cat this way. And yes I realize that their ability to learn that skill is just another argument for my theory that they are higher beings just waiting for the day when their plan to rule the earth comes to fruition. So you’d think I’d appreciate seeing proof of my concept.

What bothered me is that they scratch at the toilets afterward as if kicking back litter. Something about that was sad to me. E likened it to seeing dogs doing the same when they use sidewalks, but it’s not quite that. Dogs aren’t mimicking something inherently human when they use a sidewalk instead of grass. They’re still just being dogs, although in an unnatural environment to which they’ve had to adapt.

When you see a cat perched on a toilet seat, daintily moving it’s bowels into the pool of water from which it would probably otherwise drink, but then turn to scratch at the toilet seat, handle, and sides when done, it’s unnerving. It reminds me that what would otherwise seem like a pretty cool trick (I mean, how long does it take human kids to learn that?!?), is in some ways unkind to the cat. That little exercise in futility at the end, scratching at air and ceramic, is that extra reminder that this is in no way natural to them. And no matter how cute it may look, or how convenient it may be, it never will be.

Unless of course, it’s just a clever ruse to make us think we’re still safe from the catapocalypse. In which case, well played cats. Well played indeed.